MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Confusing The Audience Is Not A Good Strategy
An incredibly bad radio commercial:
For the first 30 seconds of this spot, it seems to be about fashion. Finally we realize they're not talking about style; they're talking about...uh, snow? Skiing? Boarding? Incredible deals?
One of a kind packages on lodging and lift tickets
Oh, really? What exactly are "one of a kind packages"? They've created a different package for each customer?
Colorado's legendary snow is back.
Ah, yes, the legend of Colorado snow. No one knows for sure if it's true, but what a wonderful story it is, handed down from generation to generation.
By popular demand
By popular demand, winter has returned? Perhaps that could be the basis of a cute commercial conceit. But as a single line that comes from nowhere and leads nowhere?
Endless sunshine
Well, dadgum! I'd a-thunk the sunshine disappears plum near every evening in Colorado in the winter. The things you learn from radio advertising.
"Amazing" ski resorts
Unless you're referring to Kreskin, Randi, or The Amazing Race, only an amateur uses "amazing" to describe the advertised product or service. "Amazing" can be applied — with equal lack of effect — to virtually any product or service. (And while we're at it: I'm sure Colorado's ski resorts are quite nice. I have a hunch, however, that no experienced skiier or boarder is "amazed" by them.)
Confusing the audience is not a good thing:
First it was black. Then brown became the new black. Until grey became the new brown.
Were Colorado's ski resorts previously black, brown and grey? What the heck are they talking about? Even if that makes sense to fashionistas (I wouldn't know), it doesn't make sense to skiiers and boarders.
Skiing is a kinesthetic experience: movement, speed, twists & turns, skis on snow, air rushing past. Why are they spending all that effort trying to get us to visualize "white" rather than to feel the sensation of skiing?
The male voice repeatedly focuses the listener's attention not on skiing, not on skiiing in Colorado...but on the meaningless phrase, "winter white." And we can hear him trying to sound cool. (Hint: If people can hear you trying to sound cool, you don't.)
That ludicrous attempt at sounding cool combines with the amateurish echoing of "winter white" by the female voice. (I'm not certain, but that female sounds an awful lot like the woman delivering the body of the copy.) What is this: A commercial running on a major Los Angeles radio station or a college student's first effort in Production 101?
The overall impact is smug. They sure sound impressed with themselves, don't they?
Even their slogan (at the end) is unfocused:
See, do, eat, stay, go.
Is that specific to Colorado skiing? 
Knott's Berry Farm: "See, do, eat, stay, go."
South Dakota: "See, do, eat, stay, go."
What is their Call To Action?
Be a part of the phenomenon.
Oh, okay, right. I'll do that.
Advertising solves problems.
What problem does this commercial solve?
Labels: radio commercial copywriting, radio commercial critique
posted by Dan O’Day | 12:05 AM
5 Comments:
What problem does this commercial solve?
Answer: The problem of getting money out of the Colorado Tourism Board. Too bad it doesn't do the right thing by putting money INTO their hands!
Smug certainly does come to mind. Again, the creator(s) seem to have left the listener out of the commercial. The "what's in it for me" Instead, I'm detecting a critique: "You'd look a lot better in white." delivered with what I'm guessing is supposed to be seduction. Along with the contrived "cool" in the male voiceover, it combines into something akin to "sleazy" and demeaning, like: "Gimme a thousand bucks and I'll show you how you SHOULD be having a good time"...as if I don't know already what I enjoy. When all is said and done, I feel as if if I took them up on the offer, the only thing I'd miss out on is my hard-earned vacation money. This is the last feeling I'd want to generate if I were writing a spot for a tourism promotion.
Vacations are about an experience. We pay enough just getting there in the first place, there'd better be a good payoff. I'm only hearing a pitch without a product...that just doesn't work here.
May I also comment on the technical aspect of this spot? Working in a radio environment presents a technical problem I didn't really notice until I left the on-air staff and took over Creative Director duties: The mic processors in a radio facility are often set to maximize on-air presence both live, and during voicetracking. Since the voice presentation is a part of the station's image, I find these settings are often counterproductive for commercial use since the settings often overemphasize the frequencies between 150 & 350 Hz. When I listened to the Colorado spot, I immediately thought of this situation. When requesting voicework from an announcer I ask them to give me an unprocessed product so I can tailor the sound for the spot. If not, I find myself "removing" the processing with software - which consumes time and is often second-best to what I'd get with a "dry" recording. Voicework for commercials deserves the right processing...something that enhances, not detracts from - the message.
While I agree with the above comments, it does strike me that there may be the old "what the client wants" involved in this spot. How many times have we received copy and thought "hmmm, not the best thing for the client", went to the sales rep, expressed our opinion and ended up cutting the spot to appease the client? The next thing we hear is how our spot did not work for them... our spot, the one they wrote. I hate to say it but, it's their money...hence their loss.
My 2 cents for what it's worth:
The spot was probably written by someone at the Colorado Toursim Board. Those places tend to hire college marketing majors who are trained in demographics, research, statistics, polls, ethnography (The New BIG DEAL TREND!) and other stuff that has nothing to do with actually writing a commercial. And that's why they had the person with the least experience write the spot. Everyone else was concerned with doing those more important tasks mentioned above. And I've yet to meet a radio GM with the balls to tell a client that their copy is stupid and won't generate results. There may be some, but I've never met one.
Listened to the spot. Thought it better suited to a fashion show than an invitation to ski Colorado.
I remembered a spot I did a few years ago for a fellow who wanted to rent snowmobiles up in Elk River, Idaho, about 60 miles from here. He didn't have a listing in the phone book or a website, but wanted to let locals know that they could still do some sledding there (this was early spring, the tail end of his season). I posted a link to the spot at Facebook. If you'd be willing to give it a listen, I'd like to know what you think of it (while snow is still the color of the day).
Dan, your comments on commercials really hit home to me. I got into the voice over business when a Nissan dealership group hired me as a regional voice for five states, three networks and one hundred radio stations a month for nearly a decade.
Much later, I took a client, a huge cable television system, because it exposed my voice to a lot of markets. However they sent me trash for copy and expected me to voice it as fast as I could read it. (YOU READ IT LIKE WE SENT IT!!!)
It finally hit me that I was exposing my worst possible work! I fired them. I offered to teach copywriting courses free for their Account Execs...most of them not media grads or even college grads, they wrote like junior high students. No takers! They just wanted me to read what they sent to me.
I took their money for a long time but truly made me choose that if I was to showcase my stuff, it should at least be adequate stuff. I was turning out bad product and getting paid for it!
These days, I don't need the money, so I'm interested in doing the best that my shop can do it. I charge AFTRA union scale and I PAY AFTRA scale to talents that work through me. If you're good, you should get paid well.
I do NOT want MY voice on really really bad commercials out there! That limits my future! So if you're in the voice over business, often this is the biggest battle you will face with a client...wordsmithing the copy.
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