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"Jason, I don't mean to be difficult, but...."

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Austin Texas Homes, LLC 453249

It's been too long since I vented properly on my blog.

Rant starts..................now.

Today, I was dealing with a contractor whom my buyer found to help with some repairs on the home he is purchasing, which is set to close in two weeks. 

The inspector found evidence of termite damage in two places, and this contractor/handyman/dude needs to remove two pieces of wood to determine if there is any further damage.  He emailed stating that he wouldn't be able to do it today (we have through tomorrow to finalize everything - our option ends then).  Fair enough.  Let's work on making it possible to get in on Tuesday and knock it out, right?

Apparently not.

I called to speak with him, and he was almost stereotypically brusque in his phone manner.  While we were talking, he stated, "I definitely can't do it tomorrow.  It needs to be today." 

WHAT?!?

This threw a wrench into my day, but I told him that I would be available anytime after 3pm.  He agreed to call me when he was ready to head over there.  So, he called at 5:11pm and said, "Could we just do it tomorrow?  It's gonna be dark by the time I can get it done."

Okay, wait.  Were you lying to me earlier when you said you weren't available? 

At any rate, I got the listing agent to agree to let him in tomorrow, so it's fine.

Here comes the point of my post.  Don't miss it!

While we were talking, the contractor said these words to me:

"Jason, I'm not trying to be hard to get along with, but...."

When I heard that, I didn't really care too much about the remainder of that sentence.  I have my reasons, believe me. 

I once told my business partner that if someone says, "I'm not trying to be a jerk, but..." or "I don't want to be rude, but...", then my mental response is:

You don't have to try.  You just are.

You see, we often put qualifiers in our sentences, like, "With all due respect", or "I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way".  These do not give you carte blanche to say whatever you want.  If you mean to say something using the first one, how about "With all due respect, I would like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage" rather than, "With all due respect, you, sir, are a moron."  Which one shows actual respect?

Sorry to digress....

If you are working with a client or you encounter another agent or loan officer in the field, and they EVER say one of the "I don't want to be..." phrases, RUN!  You will experience more headaches than you can imagine.

I am not a sociologist or a psychologist, but I do consider myself to be a strong student of human behavior.  I learned to identify the user personality a long time ago.

This concludes my rant.  Thank you for listening.  That is all.

Posted by

 

If you're looking for a home in the Austin area, you can also visit my primary website at www.austintexashomes.com.  Thanks!

Glen A. Mitchell
Keller Williams Peninsula Estates - Half Moon Bay, CA
Broker, CDPE, Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay,El Granada

Not to be a jerk and change the subject, but I wouldn't let a buyer or any of the buyers contractors touch my sellers properties before they close escrow.  Is that typical for your area?  Just curious and really a nice guy.

Dec 09, 2008 12:50 PM
Kate Elim
Dockside Realty - Spotsylvania, VA
Realtor 540-226-1964, Selling Homes & Land a

Hi Jason...I can understand how you feel, you are so right and you are certainly entitled to feel put upon and used, you were wronged there's no doubt about it, no one should get away with acting like that, but.......................Did you really have to rant about it?

Happy Holidays!  Merry Christmas!  Happy New Year!  Did I miss your birthday???  Happy Birthday!

Kate

P.S.  By the way, did I miss the point of your post?

 

 

Dec 09, 2008 01:40 PM
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

GLEN - I am representing the buyer, so I'm just trying to make them happy.  We got everything finalized today.  Closing in two weeks - cash buyer!

KATE - You are mischievous.  Nuff said.

 

Dec 09, 2008 01:55 PM
George Wilson
Raleigh Cary Realty - Raleigh, NC
Raleigh Cary Realty 919 439 0965

Another great post on human insight and behavior.  You are so good at catching it and writing it down in a way  that we can all relate to!

Dec 09, 2008 03:09 PM
Kathy Kooyman
Home Realty - Pella, IA

Jason,  I get that from my husband when I say things like "to tell you the truth" like I wouldn't normally tell the truth.  It's good to have people who care enough to point these bad habits out to us. 

Dec 10, 2008 03:25 AM
Matt Moxhay
Prudential Fox & Roach - Moorestown, NJ
Moorestown Real Estate

Jason- A good Poster Child for the "I don't mean to be rude, but" is Simon Cowell.  Yep, I just referenced American Idol on AR...I might be beyond help!  I would rather he just say what he has to say, that goes for anyone.  Let me determine if you're a "rude but."

Dec 10, 2008 04:33 AM
Joel McDonald
Joel McDonald -- www.AutomatedHomefinder.com - Castle Pines North, CO

Sounds like a frustrating experience Jason. 

My qualifyer is "I guarantee I can make it happen".  Almost anytime I've dealt with a lender or contractor who says something like that, I can usually be pretty sure that they're going to cause problems.  No one can guarantee performance on anything.  They CAN, however, guarantee they'll do the best they can to get what needs to be done - done, and they usually do it in a very professional manner... THOSE are the folks I love working with.

Dec 10, 2008 07:38 AM
Ellie McIntire
Ellicott City Clarksville Howard County Maryland Real Estate - Ellicott City, MD
Luxury service in Central Maryland

We have a buyer on one of our listings who insists on saying "I am not an unreasonable person" He is the biggest pain in the &^% I have ever uncountered. I agree, it usually means the opposite.

Dec 10, 2008 12:19 PM
Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

OMG....you are absolutely right!  Whenever someone DOES use that phrase, they are SO describing themselves.  And I resolve, right now, never to utter the phrase, "no offense, but..." ever again! 

Dec 10, 2008 01:10 PM
Mike D
Henderson, NV

Jason - This is without a doubt one of my all time pet peeves.  I don't think anything frosts my cherries more than when I read or hear things like the story you just shared!  I always have to bite my lip and/or sit on my hands when I see things like "I humbly accept that I am the greatest person on earth" type comments.  Or another beauty is, "I don't believe in trash talking, it's just this guy over here is the worst human being in the world and he dresses funny."

Good and much needed rant!

Dec 11, 2008 04:01 AM
Loreena and Michael Yeo
3:16 team REALTY ~ Locally-owned Prosper TX Real Estate Co. - Prosper, TX
Real Estate Agents

I'm sorry that we have to deal with these people once a while. I agree with you, say it like you mean it. Dont have to beat around the bush.... One thing that gets to me is, "I dont really want to tell you this, but I hefta...."... Dont say it then. I'm moving on. I hope you would too.

Dec 11, 2008 05:09 AM
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

Someone once said, "You are going to hate me for saying this..."  They were right.

LOL @ Mike Dobranski's frosted cherries. 

Dec 11, 2008 05:41 AM
Anonymous
Paul

How about "Can I be Honest with you,..."

 

Great Post!

 

Your Friend,

 

Paul

http://paulsorgi.blogspot.com

Dec 11, 2008 07:45 AM
#70
Paul Slaybaugh
Homesmart - Scottsdale, AZ
Scottsdale, AZ Real Estate

Great post!

 

Your Other Friend,

 

Paul

Dec 11, 2008 09:09 AM
Lanette Branch
Taylor Properties - Bel Air, MD
Bel Air, MD Real Estate Agent

Hi Jason,

So...hopefully all is well, everything went as planned, and closing is still on for somewhere near the end of the year? 

With all due respect, inquiring minds want to know...

Dec 12, 2008 05:57 PM
Renae Bolton
Marketing 4 Realtors - Garfield Heights, OH
I'm your Professional Real Estate Marketing VA!

I'm with you on this one, Jason. It drives me insane when a client or prospect tells me "I'm not trying to be difficult but..."  My teeth clench, my heart starts pounding, I get sweaty hands...  Classic anxiety from what I know will turn out to be an awful situation.

~Renae

Dec 13, 2008 05:01 AM
Kathy Toth
Ann Arbor Market Center Keller Williams - Ann Arbor, MI
Ann Arbor Real Estate Experts - Kathy Toth Team

Why not just be honest and admit that you actually are trying to be difficult and all of these problems are your fault?  Wouldn't that be refreshing?  "Hey, you know what? I'm not in a good mood so I'm going to make your day as difficult as mine has been and, no, I'm not sorry in the least."  At least then we'll know right up front how things are going to go with no expectations outside of a difficult encounter.  I think I would much prefer that scenario.

Kathy

Dec 13, 2008 10:52 AM
Michael Fontana
Round Rock Home Stager Austin Home Staging - Round Rock, TX
@ The Stage Coach

Hi, Jason:

These comments are Rich!  Love 'em... I am laughing with every body [I hope] not at every body...

My favorite line ever by a client was "I don't mean to micromanage you... but..." Of course, this was momentarily followed by, "I could be a Home Stager.  As an architect I deal with color on a daily basis..."

At that point, I just wanted a check so I could get out of Dodge.

Having worked for a contractor out of college circa 1993, our best site joke was from the Movie "The Money Pit" with Tom Hanks and Shelly Long:  How long is it going to take? "Two Weeks..."

Staged by The Stage Coach

Dec 15, 2008 01:29 AM
Anonymous
Mike Williams

As a Denver Business Lawyer, I have to deal with this kind of phrasing every day, and I agree, it creates massive irritation. Much better to leave it out altogether. With all due respect...is almost as bad, however. 

Dec 16, 2008 05:59 AM
#76
Tom Thornton
Realty Austin - Austin, TX
Broker Associate, MBA, ABR, CRS, GREEN, GRI, SRES

Thankfully, I've had great success thusfar with inspectors and contractors. You'd hope that they know they're shooting themselves in the foot when they cross you, but I'm sure that's not the case sometimes.

I'm trying to assemble a great vendor list for 2009, and hopefully most of my clients will actually use it!

Thanks for the laugh during this crazy holiday season.

Dec 28, 2008 04:35 AM