Top critical review
3.0 out of 5 starsNOT an easy read for a current Infertile
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2015
This is a really hard book to read if you are going through infertility. It does not have a happy, positive ending.
I read this book because I can relate. This was my story and life for 3 long and lonely years. I always wanted children and it was devastating that after spending too many years waiting for the person to have that family with, we could not get pregnant. Years of treatments and medications, 5 IVFs (and multiple miscarriages), I hung up my hat on medicine helping us have a family. This is where I stopped relating to the author and became frustrated with her. She can cite the National Infertility Website (Resolve), but fails to mention a huge resource on their website. If this grief is not going away, you can't see yourself as childless, even by choice and you REALLY want to be a parent, there are options out there. There ARE ways to build a family. No, they are not a "cure" for infertility. These are not "replacement babies". I resent her suggesting this as she continues to wallow in self pity.
In the midst of my own mess and unresolved grief, (Yes, I was going through EVERYTHING this author mentions), I too was 38 with IVF failure. I could not, and would not accept that my husband and I were never going to be parents. We were actually exploring adoption and coming to terms with all that was involved when we decided to try embryo donation (clinics do have embryos from donations, they don't advertise...you need to ask). I tried it twice and had another miscarriage. More grief. More, I'm done, can't take this emotionally, hate the fertility industry heartache. We ended up going to a Resolve conference looking for info on adoption. Guess what? We ended up sitting down for a lecture on egg donation. We were both so intrigued that we skipped the adoption lectures and went to another one on egg donation. Both of us walked away actually talking, REALLY talking...hopeful. I scheduled an appointment with my RE that week and we had a BIG discussion. I was 38. There was NO SIGN of premature ovarian failure and my numbers were perfect. I wanted a baby. We were concerned with the cost and wasting more money on IVF failure. That was when we were introduced to a shared risk financial program. We pay a (BIG fee, but actually the SAME cost as adoption) and if we try multiple cycles and it does not result in a LIVE, take home baby, we get our money back and go adopt.
The happy ending was my son who was born 11 months after this discussion. He came with heartache too. A vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Infertility and IVF sucks! 8 months later we transferred the 2 remaining embryos from this cycle. Chemical pregnancy. Guess what? We LOVED being parents and still felt like someone was missing. The same egg donor was available and willing to donate again. 21 month after my son was born I brought home a boy/girl set of twins. VERY happy ending. No genetics with these kids, but I can't imagine my life being complete without them and so overwhelming full.
I'm still infertile. The parts are still broken. It took 3rd party reproduction to make me a mamma. I'm actually grateful that I went thru YEARS of infertility and grief and did not get knocked up with my own genetic kiddos. I have friends who went to the same infertility support groups and have adopted children that they are very grateful for and LOVE. This is their happy ending. I've been told they too are grateful that IVF did not work. There are challenges and heartache and weird unresolved feelings and situations with not being able to reproduce the old fashioned way. I get that. I'm there. But I am a little angry that this author paints such a depressing outlook on infertility and the industry and how she is living her life. I am sensitive to childlessness and do not do any of the things that the author mentions. I appreciate her perspective, but I still disagree with her.
For anyone out there going through infertility, have hope. IVF does not work for everyone. You DO NOT have to give up being a parent. Adoption can bring joy and fulfillment and the important parts of being a parent. So can 3rd party reproduction. There ARE options. Not perfect, not without emotions and losses, not without work. I just don't believe anyone should ever settle for childless NOT by choice.
I wanted to relate to this author. Instead I just felt sorry (and angry) for her.
